The ache echoing through my upper body, weary from carrying them both, sometimes simultaneously.
The constant throb in my elbow, tendonitis flaring from lugging a chubby baby in her car seat.
The pressure of his arms, wrapped around my leg as I try to bustle through the house, holding me back, asking me to wait.
His hand in mine, as we walk down a stairs or through a parking lot.
Her hand holding my thumb.
Her weight in my arms as we rock.
The sling digging into my shoulder as she rides on my hip.
His arms and legs wrapped around me when I lift him from his bed.
His hair, soft against my chin as I read to him.
The exhaustion in my back after long mornings at the park, chasing him through the playground while toting her.
Balancing, always balancing, in every way imaginable.
Her fingers exploring my face, weaving through my hair, rubbing my arms.
His body, nestled into mine as we lay in his bed, talking quietly about nothing at all.
The thump, thump, thump of her legs and arms as we relax on the sofa.
The force with which he runs into my arms for a hug when I pick him up at school.
His weight as he tries to wrestle me to the ground.
The pad of my feet and the pounding of my heart as I rush to her room in the wee hours of the morning.
Her cheeks, full and soft.
His, leaner and less soft with every passing day.
The fatigue in my stomach muscles that comes from deep laughter at some outlandish toddler statement.
My aching face from meeting her smiles in kind.
The physicality of mothering to young children is exhausting and demanding.
There is no room for personal space.
No place or time to claim as mine.
And yet, for every one of those moments, there are countless more of beauty and joy and peace.
In a few short years, this period in my life will be over.
I have photographs to remember their expressions, their smiles, the thoughtful looks in their eyes.
Videos to record their voices, their laughter, their songs.
Words to capture my emotions and certain moments that strike me.
But how will I recall these sensations?
When they are grown, when neither wants to be carried or kissed or hugged, will I remember how they felt?
What it was like to hold them?
Will I be able to close my eyes and feel them still?
Will those memories remain, etched forever in my soul?
This made me all teary. I worry about this too. It goes by so fast, will we remember how it felt years from now? I want to say yes, that as their mothers it will be etched in our hearts forever.
Kimberly recently posted..Sometimes I Need It Too
Oh I think about this too. All the time. I wish I could capture all the sensations in a bottle and keep it with me and reach in and feel them whenever I need to.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..What’s Going On?
I sure hope so. Time is flying and my guy is growing up way to fast.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..We Get It: Self Centered Children
And it is so worth it.
That was beautiful! I think I will always remember those sensations. I still cherish the momemts when my kids are clamoring to sit next to me on the couch, and cuddle into me.
Patricia P recently posted..Family Bike Ride
I worry about this sometimes. Will I remember how they smelled and that exact way they can cling so tightly to my waist with their legs while melting into that space in my neck with their tired heads?
This is perfect.
angela recently posted..Life, Overtrained
I got choked up reading this. My kids are 3 and 5, with one on the way. It happens so fast, it’s so exhausting, but I will truly miss it when this stage passes.
Teresa recently posted..Happy Mother’s Day
You will always be able to come back and read your words here to remember the feeling.
Jessica recently posted..To The Menace Of Northwest Reno
What a beautiful piece you have written about the love you feel for your babies : ) I hope your Mothers Day was a blessed one.
Life with Kaishon recently posted..All we need is love, love, love. Love is all we need. Nina & Jeremy + Isabella & Avery {Chestnut Hill Family Photography}
Oh this is so beautiful. And I hope so. I honestly can’t imagine forgetting these sensations.
Tricia recently posted..I hope someone told her
This is beautiful. So beautiful. These sensations. There’s really nothing like them.
You made me teary. I wonder these same things and that’s why I’m so grateful to be able to write.
And you have nothing to worry about, with writing like this, you will be able to recall everything.
Beautifully written.
Mirjam recently posted..I’m a toddler and I know it
I don’t know… I don’t know if we’ll be able to remember these physical feelings of motherhood. But I sure hope so.
Beautiful post, lady. As always.
Krista recently posted..Paths that cross
I try to remember, as I hold my youngest that soon he’ll be too big to fit so snuggly in my lap and to enjoy it. it all goes so fast!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Asking For Help
Yes it goes by so fast. Before you know it you will still be part of their lives, but instead of being the center you will be orbiting the outer edges making sure everything is good. That is where I am now most of the time. It is nice to have some personal space
but I miss all my snuggles.
Yes, you will still remember. My children are newly nine and nearly 8 and huge. I sometimes lay in bed balancing in the crook of my arm the blue stuffed bunny my son gifted me from his collection when he was two. My heart gives it more weight and if I close my eyes, it feels just like the baby he was. Sometimes the rabbit is my daughter. I close my eyes and remember being mommy, now that I am mom.
Then I get up and take part in the lives that are increasingly their own and they shape their identities. I am more of a shepherd now, steering and guiding them safely through as they stand on their own feet. It changes, but it unfolds in the most beautiful ways where they are absorbing less of your light but putting out their own brilliant flashes of insight and even wisdom.
And, every now and then, they’ll sneak in the room while I’m holding the blue bunny and ask to cuddle or call me mommy, and though they weigh nearly 60 pounds each, I’m happy to be crushed under it, just a little bit longer.
Amanda Rose Adams recently posted..May 2012: Cause Warrior Jill Levy-Fisch
Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. It’s hard watching them grow. I want them to grow, of course, but watching it is bittersweet.
Oh, I love this. I know this.
Robin | Farewell Stranger recently posted..Exhibit A
They’re universal, aren’t they? But I’m still worried about forgetting them.
This a beautiful post. You captured it all so well. Just perfect really. Well done.
thedoseofreality recently posted..25 Things You Don’t Know About Me