I took my place in line on the basketball court outside.
It was a brisk fall day, and my class was getting ready for the annual parade through our school.
Holding my bouquet in one hand, I nervously smoothed the modest lace on my skirt, adjusted my matching top. Pushed the veil back from my shoulder.
This costume belonged to my neighbor.
And I had envied it when she wore it the year before.
I never thought I would get to wear it. It was too beautiful, too flowing and feminine for my neighbor to possibly share it.
When I walked into my bedroom and saw it folded neatly on my bed several days before, I was amazed.
I would be a bride for Halloween.
And now, it was almost time to march in the school parade. My stomach lurched in anticipation.
While the teachers rounded up the straggling students, those of us in line chatted with each other.
Across the way, a little boy who lived near me, called my name.
I looked at him, confused.
What did this boy want with me?
Then he called my name again and nudged his friend.
“Who are you going to marry?”
His friend laughed, enjoying the joke.
“Yeah, who’s the groom?” his friend added.
My face flamed.
My heart sank.
My eyes filled with tears.
My perfect costume, my triumphant parade, was ruined.
___________________________________
In retrospect, of course, I see how good-natured and harmless the boys’ teasing was. If they had been standing behind me, they probably would have pulled my hair.
But I remember this moment with absolute clarity.
As a parent, I hope it will guide me as I raise my children. Help me remember that a child lacks the perspective of an adult, that something playful can hurt his feelings. And that those feelings are real, even if they seem nonsensical or trivial from an adult’s perspective.
I also share it with those of you who have little girls, to caution you about the dangers of a beautiful bride costume. Beware those teasing boys.
Have you ever regretted a Halloween costume after you wore it?
This post was prepared in response to a memoir prompt for Write on Edge regarding a Halloween costume.
Oh poor young you! Kids can be so mean.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Tips, Ideas & Advice: Homework!
I don’t think they meant to be mean–they were just playing. But little boys and girls aren’t always on the same page, you know?
I’m so sad reading this! Perspective and kindness. We can all use more of both, can’t we?
Galit Breen recently posted..Driving Stories
Thanks, Galit. I was so sad. But now, of course, it seems silly.
That made me sad just reading it. Kids can be cruel, even without knowing it. Kindness is something we could all use more of.
Kimberly recently posted..Desperate Housewives: Jersey Style
They didn’t mean it. They were just playing. But sometimes a little girl doesn’t see that.
As a child it is difficult to see that kids are teasing playfully instead of doing it to be mean. My daughter is very sensitive so I’m trying to teach her how to not let playful taunts get to her.
Jessica recently posted..VlogTalk: How To Eat A FOreo
Exactly. It’s hard. But they weren’t trying to be mean.
I’m so sorry that little boy ruined the dress and the moment for you, to feel so pretty and then have someone take that away is disheartening. Thank you for the lesson in this, even when it’s just little boys teasing it hurts. HUG
Kir recently posted..RemembeRED: Magic Material
Thanks, Kir. They were just playing. I just couldn’t see that.
My mommy heart breaks for that little girl that was you. Kids can say or do things that are cruel to others without realizing it, yet for the recipient it is always painful and lasting. Thank you for reminding us of this. And knowing how different girls and boys are, what they see as beautiful and fun, etc.
Sweaty recently posted..Playing Dress Up
I’m confidant they were just playing. If only I had seen that then, you know?
Stoopid Boyz…
I don’t know if I ever regretted a costume. I do have a lot of memories of Michigan weather not cooperating with my costume. Specifically in first grade when I had to where a coat over my ballerina outfit. NOT. THE. SAME.
I hated those cold Halloweens. It really ruined the costume, didn’t it?
I once overheard someone remark on how lucky kids were, because they didn’t care what anyone else thought. I remember wanting to smack them on the back of the head! Kids, at least the ones I knew and the one I was, are uniquely sensitive to what others think of them and how that is expressed. Your post illustrates that beautifully!
NC Narrator recently posted..So You Wanna Be A Princess?
Thank you. It was a tough moment. Now, of course, I know they were just teasing. If only I had realized it then!
That’s so sad that they ruined the day for you! Kids can be so mean. I’ve always been really sensitive, so I know how even seemingly innocuous things can hurt.
And I only regretted one costume. I went to the Halloween Parade in NYC when I was 21 and wore a black pleather dress and thigh high boots with heels-my feet hurt so much that I couldn’t even walk by the end of the night.
Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger recently posted..My Favorite Halloween Costume
I’m so familiar with the painful shoe experiences–my heart goes out to you! It can ruin a night.
And thank you–I know they were just playing. I just didn’t realize it then.
I would have whacked those boys with my bouquet, but that is the kind of kid I was. I am sorry that your costume was ruined by mean comments, but I think that you did a great job with the prompt!
Tina recently posted..RemembeRED: Costume
Thanks, Tina. And good for you–the whack would have been what they were expecting!
Boys have cooties you know. And they have no idea how to say you look pretty before they reach the age of 20 (or later in some cases):)
I imagine you were gorgeous and still a hit in the parade.
Jacki recently posted..RemembeRED – The Costume
Thanks. They were just playing. I just didn’t understand that.
That is so sad…and I can remember feeling this way so many times as a child- without the skills to see a situation realistically. My 8 year old is in this stage now and reading this post will help me the next time he’s in a similar situation…so THANK YOU!
ML@My 3 Little Birds recently posted..What the Rain Brings
Thank you. I hope it helps us both. It can be hard to be a kid.
Aww…That makes me so sad!
My daughter probably would’ve kicked them. But maybe not. It’s a good message to be aware.
Cheryl @ Mommypants recently posted..I’m home – BlogHer Writers deets soon!
I hope she would kick them. They certainly didn’t mean to hurt my feelings–they were just playing. And I’m sure they expected a different reaction. Kicking, for instance.
Oh, so heartbreaking! The little girl in me AND the mommy in me just want to scoop little young you up and tell you how beautiful you are. And those boys didn’t even know they were hurting you. Little girl feelings can be so, so fragile.
Alyssa @NearNormalcy recently posted..RemembeRED: Turning Heads
You’re right–they didn’t know. They were just playing. I just didn’t realize it.
What a tought moment! I bet you were a beautiful bride.
Thank you. They were just playing. But I didn’t see that.
I remember that feeling all too well…of being not in on the joke, and then being shamed for being “too sensitive.”
Being a kid isn’t always easy.
I loved how this entire piece was a snapshot in time. You used flashback seamlessly, but always stayed in that auditorium.
And we felt those feelings with you.
Thank you. I’m glad it worked. And sorry for the times both of our feelings were hurt. Even if the other kids didn’t mean to.
you wrote this so well!
I was there with you, in line, waiting.
WOW.
I know this feeling so well. Being so happy with a costume or outfit choice only to have someone make a comment that hurts.
Great writing.
Leighann recently posted..22 Things I Have Done
Thanks, Leighann! It was a sad time for me. But they were just playing, you know? They didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.
Kids are so cruel! You did such a great job putting the excitement and devestation into words, I just wanted to hug you!
Erin recently posted..Just Bee
Thank you. They didn’t mean to be mean. I just couldn’t see that then, you know?
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
Aw, that’s so sad. Something that should be beautiful and fun and it wasn’t.
Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted..Favorite Fall Foods: Butternut Squash & Pesto Penne