Dear Boy,
I read an article the other day that the ideal American family has two daughters.
It made me sad.
I don’t have anything against daughters, or families with two of them, because I actually grew up as one of two daughters. And my childhood was lovely.
But, while I’m sure that daughters are equally magical, I don’t believe they are “better” than sons.
You’re boisterous and active and physical. You crawled before you sat and walked at the ridiculous age of eight and half months. Seven months later, you cheerfully vaulted from your crib.
While I’m sure that some little girls operate at your pace, I suspect you’re more active than most of them.
I won’t lie to you—you’re a physical force to be reckoned with. Sometimes that’s tiring. And it presents a unique set of challenges, like when you father caught you climbing over the gate at the top of the stairs last week.
Conventional wisdom says little girls have better clothes than boys. That’s generally true, although there are certainly cute boys’ clothes out there. But, despite my love of handbags, I really don’t care about your clothes. And I can’t imagine that I would if you were a girl either.
Because you’re a child. Every outfit gets stained with markers or mud or blueberries. I bet it’s the same for little girls. And if it’s not, it should be. All kids should make messes and play in the dirt.
And seriously, who would prefer a child of one gender because of clothing options?
People tell me, “My son’s my son till he gets a wife. My daughter’s my daughter for life.”
I think that’s crap. Every child, boy and girl, is different. And every relationship between a parent and a child is unique.
You’ll be my baby as long as I live. We’ll have our ups and downs, but when you’re an adult, you’ll still be my son.
And we’ll still love each other.
I have a confession to make. I used to be one of those people who wanted a daughter. It was all I knew—I grew up with a sister and didn’t know what to expect from a boy.
I was wrong, little boy.
I love you for you, not your gender. But your gender is an inescapable part of you.
I love your boyness. I love the speed and the physicality and the mess. I love how you try to practice jumping on the kitchen table and that you carry a lacrosse stick through the house. I love your fearlessness.
You think that sprinting across the room and slamming into my body is the most amazing game ever, especially if I kiss you when I catch you.
You are fascinated by every truck we see. And watching you, I can’t imagine that there is anything more interesting than the difference between a front-end loader and a backhoe.
Because of your energy and independence, there is something magical when you crawl into my lap to hug me. When you ask me to pick you up or when you take my hand to show me something special.
I wouldn’t trade you for a million daughters. And I’m sorry for anyone who thinks that daughters are preferable to sons.
It tells me that they’ve never had a son.
Love,
Mama
I believe strongly that daughters are just as good as sons—I just don’t think they are better.
That thing about sons and daughters – I agree, load of crap. And my little guy also does the sprint-and-slam-into-mom-for-a-kiss
I love it!!
So very sweet, so very much love!
This is wonderful! As a mom with 2 daughters and 1 son, I totally agree with you. I love them all equally. I love their differences, I love their sameness. I just love them.
I didn’t want a boy because I was scared of the unknown, now I wonder how I was so dumb!
ok, so I’m done crying now…..seriously, tearing up all the way to work in the car today.
I am a sister to another sister and a brother….and I have 4 nieces through John, so I wanted boys….and I love them. I love having boys, sure girls have dresses and bonnets and cute little shoes…but I love their clothes too, I imagine them as young men in great plaid shorts..and polo shirts ..and I love it.
I also hate when people tell me that they will only be with me until they marry…but I refuse to believe it. I fought hard for them, I gave up a good deal of my sanity to be able to the IVF and then carry them…no girl can measure up to that kind of devotion …right??? LOL .
I just loved this, seriously it’s almost as if I wrote it…so thanks for the sharing the words I didn’t get out yet.
xo
This is so very sweet. I grew up as one of two girls as well and thought I always wanted girls. I’ve had two nephews for a while (ages 10 and 6) and before I had my two boys – they showed me that I would love to have a boy(s) one day. This line: “My son’s my son till he gets a wife. My daughter’s my daughter for life.” Pfff…what do they know!
Well written! I think the sweetness in little boys is the pure dichotomy between their untamed love of adventure and the rough and tumble physicality and their “lub you” hugs and kisses.
By the way, I’m really enjoying your blog. You’re a wonderful writer.
2 daughters……but had my son first. They’re the same, they’re different….they all drive me crazy most days – LOL – but I wouldn’t exchange any of them, for anything. (okay, except the girls tend to have a faulty volume control button…but other than that). How could I love one any less than the other? They all bring their own special vibe to our family. And nothing, nothing is more precious to me than seeing older brother play, help or loving on his 2 little sisters!
I am cheering here. Perfectly said and amen.
I only have girls so I don’t know what life is like with boys but I don’t think either one is better. I would love my boys if I had them as much as I love my girls.
i loved this, as a mummy of 2 daughters who also could never imagine having a boy i agree so much with every ounce of sentiment within your words and especially the last line
And I’m sorry for anyone who thinks that daughters are preferable to sons.
It tells me that they’ve never had a son.
beautiful!
thanks also for the lovely comments over at my blog, it really does mean the world! x
Beautiful post! We find out the gender of #2 next week and I must admit that I am afraid of having a boy because of the unknown. Who knows what will happen, but you are right that both genders are equally amazing and special! And both will always be our babies. I think if I see your little man years from now, I’ll always remember him as the little baby he used to be. And we’ll marvel at how the kiddos grew up while we stayed the same age.
Good grief, that article presents a pretty myopic view of the “ideal” American family!
I’ve been blessed with girls (so far), but I can’t imagine I’d love them any less if they were boys.
Awesome post
Everything you said – YES
Aww. That is beautiful. As a new mother to a son, I think you are so on point with this letter. And it is true, no gender is better, but there are just as many great things about having a son and being a mother to a son as there are with girls and being mommy to a daughter.
That was so sweet. I have two of each, and my love for them all is never-ending.
Wonderful love letter! I have 2 girls and 1 son and I think they are the best! I can’t imagine thinking one gender was better than another or that my son isn’t mine after marriage. Ridiculous!
Beautiful post. As a mother to an amazing son I definitely agree. Gender should be irrelevant, health is much more important.
Let’s make a deal. I’ll raise up my daughters to be women you’d want your son to marry, and you raise up your son to be a man who would make a wonderful husband. Win —Win!
I agree. I have one of each and I love them both equally. My son is all boy and so full of love and life and energy. He invigorates me and yet I revel in his tender side too. This I love so much. My daughter is sugar and spice and everything nice. And they both love each other. No competition or jealousies. They are a year apart in school and share the same friends and interests.
Ditto all that. I couldn’t imagine a boy – I cried when we found out that’s what we were having. And yes, sometimes the high-energy boy is too much, but I love his boyishness as well. I’m also choosing to believe the people who say boys are harder when they’re little and girls are harder when they’re teens. I have to have something to look forward to, right?
Love this, girl!
I don’t think one is better than another. It kills me when people say that about a son being a son until he gets a wife. I don’t think it’s true. My husband is still a mama’s boy. It’s about the relationship that you have.
I wouldn’t trade my boys for all the girly cuteness in the world.
I was relieved when I found out I was having a girl, because I really wanted that female bonding and worried that I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy. My daughter is wonderful, but I’d like to have a boy next time just for the different experience. Of course I’ll be thrilled for a girl too. You love your child no matter what.
So sweet! And I can confirm—being married to a man— he is still very much his mom’s son.
As the mother of two daughters, I have always wondered what it would be like to have a boy. Different, I’m sure, in a lot of ways; however, that love you describe is always there for your babies regardless of gender. Beautiful post! (Visiting from the RDC.)
Such sweetness! I have one of each, and though I raise them the same, they are different. But equally loved.
Came from TRDC.
Such a great tribute your son! I have a daughter but I have heard from people who have both that sons look at their moms with a love that is rarely duplicated their daughters.
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